unrescuable schizo

Clearly God or Karma thinks I am evil and wrong and is punishing me about Davey, cause I was sideswiped and knocked down by a taxi on the way home from work this afternoon.

Seeing as I am now on LJ reporting it, I'm fine, but it was close - I almost went under the wheels - and I don't feel very well.

One of those days where everything makes you sick to the stomach with grief and fury.

"I really, really don't like Natalie/24_hr_party_ppl/cookiedough/crazy stalker girl...seriously, what's her deal? She's a nutcase tbh. Like, firstly she stalks MCR to a point they made their bodyguard BAN her from shows (seriously, no matter how much she/her friends says 'oooh conspiracy', the boys and Worm aren't stupid enough to fall for some idiots telling them stuff, they would have done it from their OWN experiences of her...they're not morons), then she moves onto FOB, TAI...goes off to meet authors 'Gerard loves' but swears lyke she was totez a fan b4 she kn3w dat lawl, now she's moved onto stalking THE USED? Agh. Pathetic, y/y?

And I wonder who she stalked before MCR? Certainly they weren't her first...lol anyone wanna take a guess what band it was? I say Good Charlotte lmao."

anonq, of course.

Okay, you know what? I'm done. Enough. Enough now. The stuff with Maz was just... sickening, and beyond stupid, I don't really want to talk about it, but I don't think this was her. If it was, then, well, Maz, you need to learn to control yourself and leave me the fuck alone. But I don't suspect her.


I am so fucking sick of it that it's not even funny. OBVIOUSLY seeing a band you really, really like, when they happen to come to the country, means you are 'moving on' from loving another band to loving them. OBVIOUSLY you couldn't have possibly been a fan of them as WELL, and been dying to see them but never had.

I liked The Used before I ever knew who MCR were.

And I LOVED Neil Gaiman YEARS before I ever knew who MCR were. I was delighted to hear that Gerard was a fan, I was like 'oooh, he must be a cool geek!' just like I was delighted to hear that Mikey loved Placebo and Blur. The day I hear that I only like Placebo or cause Mikey's a fan... I will probably actually cry.

THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND THE MEN IN MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.

Shock, horror, I know. Yes, they are some pretty fucking cool guys, with very good taste in books, music, art and films.

That doesn't mean that every MCR fan who happens to be a fan of something one of the guys likes discovered it through the band, or only likes it because they do. But I guess it's got to the point where people want to defend themselves of that, that they have minds of their own. It's like when Panic! took the Dresden Dolls on tour, and the Backstabber video came out - everyone I talked about them to someone who was in the 'scene band fan' communities, like topicless, I felt the need to say 'I didn't discover them through Panic, I've been a fan for years' because I know my interests do NOT all spring from this very small, tight-knit, relativley new scene. People wouldn't assume that I was a fan of something huge - like Lord of the Rings - because Gerard likes it, but take a more obscure thing, like Neil Gaiman or the Dresden Dolls, and OF COURSE I'm only into it because someone in a scene band likes them.

Well, fuck that. I had Neil Gaiman in my LJ interests before I ever heard an MCR record.

As for the other point here - is it not possible to actually be a fan of OTHER BANDS? I still go to every Placebo show that I can afford, because, yes, they, and not MCR as some people assume, are still my favorite band. I've been a fan of the Used for years, and TAI... were one of my favorite bands before I came to the UK. Does the fact that I'm going to their shows mean that I'm 'moving on' from 'stalking' one band to another? Do you all only go see shows of ONE band? I see ALL my favorite bands as much as possible, whenever they're in the same country as I am.

And you know what? I am not the only person in the history of the world to follow a few shows on a tour. I'm never the ONLY ONE doing this. I did 4 dates with TAI... in May. My friends did all 7. Is that stalking? Am I stalking? Are they? Do the band think so? NO. In fact, we were told it was 'awesome'. But whatever. And FOB? The only time I've ever met FOB was in meet and greets and I've been OCK for over a year. Some of my best friends here follow the FOB tours and I've 'stalked' FOB with them for one tour, one whole tour of 3 days. The only other FOB shows I've seen have been London. FULL ON CREEPY STALKAGE.

I love how others can write up the fangirliest reports EVER, about grabbing William's ass when he jumps in the crowd, or Gerard making faces on stage and them 'creaming themselves', and that's not creepy in ANY way, but it's stalking for me seeing a few shows in one tour and talking with the band like they are, shock horror, normal human beings, not things that are just wound up with a key to perform onstage and then put back in a box after the show. Like the very wise Emma once said, there's not a lot of point talking with them about the music all the time, because they see you down on the barrier at all the shows. They KNOW you like the music. So shoot me if I feel comfortable just talking to them normally. They sure as hell don't seem to mind. If a band boy acts acknowledges that he recognises me, I'm not going to pretend that I don't remember meeting him before and just ask for an autograph again and say 'it's so good to meet you'. Give me a break.

The last point I'd like to address here. Since clearly more than one of you have read things in my LOCKED posts and then chosen to laugh about them in anonq, my tattoos. You know what? Fuck you. Do you know why I got a tattoo in Gerard's handwriting? Because I wanted his words tattooed, in every sense of the meaning. I explained that to him and he was cool with it. I had always planned to get that as a matching piece on my other arm - two different sorts of inspiration, two lyrics that I have treated like mantras for a long time. I was much more nervous asking William about it because he's not as crazily intense as Gerard, I thought he might think it was creepy - whereas I was confidant Gerard wouldn't. But even after I checked with William a whole bunch of times, you know what? He said it was great, he was extremly flattered, and said he would have told me if he wasn't cool with it. So fuck you.

You call that creepy? It's not a fucking uncommon concept. The dude in Cry For Silence has a tattoo in Morrissey's handwriting (I think it's the guy in CFS. It might be another band.) People get celebrities SIGNATURES tattooed on them, and THAT I think is creepy. I'm proud of my future tattoo plans, and the fact that I have the full approval and blessing of William about it.

I've deleted a lot of people off here, same will happen to myspace. Everyone who I didn't automatically go 'no, I KNOW it wasn't them' has gone. Sorry if I've offended you or are hurt. Please IM - noendtothelove or email me about it if you feel I've made a mistake.