May. 6th, 2007 01:49 pm
One of those days where everything makes you sick to the stomach with grief and fury.

Green Eyes.

May. 5th, 2007 08:56 pm
cookiedough: (Marc Bolan)
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

The green eyes, yeah the spotlight shines upon you
And how could anybody deny you?

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I've met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you

Green eyes...

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their mind

'Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
Honey you should know,
That I could never go on without you

Green eyes, green eyes...

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand.
cookiedough: (Marc Bolan)
Wake up, my love
Never thought you'd make me, break me
Now I'm up from below
Such a brilliant star you are
And will your love keep burning, baby?
Burn a hole right through my eyes
All these short times feel like no time
I thought you ought to know...

I'm so far gone now, I've been running on empty
I'm so far gone now
Do you wanna take me on?
Do you wanna take me on?

Do, do you, do you know?
Do you know how long I've waited?
To look up from below,
Just to find someone like you?
And will your love light burn me, baby?
Burn a hole right through my heart
I think I might just trust you, maybe
But I'm not sure... I'm not sure I wanna know

I'm so far gone now, I've been running on empty
I'm so far gone now
Do you wanna take me on?


Apr. 13th, 2007 06:19 pm
the daily dramas she made from nothing
so nothing ever made them right
she liked to push me, and talk me back down
til i believed i was the crazy one
and in a way i guess i was

I am such a shit person.


Mar. 29th, 2007 09:40 pm
Take the pain out of loving and love won't exist.

New favorite lyric OF ALL TIME? I think so.

It's like 'long live the car-crash hearts' but said less over-dramatically, and by a band who I love about 15x harder than Fall Out Boy.

That... that is how I LIVE. That is who I AM.

Unnnnngh. Yeah. More on Santi later.
cookiedough: (FOB - Peter Pan)
pretty new myspace default. i've also added a pic of me and Fall Out Boy from the London show. it's possibly the stupidest meet and greet picture ever. check it out and laugh.

reading prozac nation at the moment. upsetting for a multitude of reasons.

I think to myself: I have finally gotten so impossible and unpleasant that they will really have to do something to make me better. And then I realize, they think they are doing all they can and it's not working. They have no idea what a bottomless pit of misery I am. They will have to do more and more and more. They think the psychiatrist ought to be enough, they think making the kind of cursory efforts any parents make when their kid is slipping away will be enough, but they don't know how enormous my need is. They don't know how much I will demand of them before I even think about getting better. They do not know that this is not some practice fire drill meant to prepare them for the real inferno, because the real thing is happening right now. All the bells say: too late. It's much too late and I'm so sure that they are still not listening. They still don't know that they need to do more and more and more, they need to try to get through to me until they haven't slept or eaten or breathed fresh air for days, they need to try until they've died for me. They will have to suffer as I have. And even after they've done that, there will still be more. They will have to rearrange the order of the cosmos, they will have to end the cold war, they will have to act like loving, kind adults who care about each other, they will have to cure hunger in Ethiopia and end the sex-slave trade in Thailand and stop torture in Argentina. They will have to do more than they ever thought they could if they want me to stay alive. They have no idea how much energy and exasperation I am willing to suck out of them until I feel better. I will drain them and drown them until they know how little of me there is left even after I've taken everything they've got to give me because I hate them for not knowing.


'man is least himself when he speaks in his own person. give him a mask, and he'll tell you the truth.'

true on so many levels. without my face attached, i can say and do and be so many things that otherwise, i'd be too embarrassed, too ashamed, too attached to do. on the most basic level.. dancing. on the deepest... well..... well.



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