unrescuable schizo

30 days meme
Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago



That's from 1992, and is the first photo I had on hand to bring into work to scan. I kind of wanted to find one of some fugly awkward twelve year old, but they're all in a suitcase somewhere and this one is on my wall. That's me and my little brother.

I saw Where The Wild Things Are with Nabii, Leo and Toy last night. Very beautiful but it kind of just made me feel disturbed and uncomfortable the whole way through, but I really felt shitty and in fact cried in the beginning part, before he went to the island, with his interactions with his sister and especially when he went to her room and destroyed the heart card that he had made for her. It really got to me and made me hope that my brother never loved me enough for him to have felt rejected and hurt by me that much. I don't think he ever did, and that also made me sad.

In other Shitty Family News, after my fight with my father a couple of weeks ago, we have not spoken. My stepmother came over to use the bathroom when they were driving somewhere, and he didn't even get out of the car. And then the other day we came home and found a bag of 2nd-hand bed linens and towels that they must have donated to us, but with no note or anything. Our family Christmas party is this Saturday, and yesterday he forwarded me a reminder about it, by email.

So I replied saying that I didn't like what was going on, and apologised for what I'd said and stated that the reason I hadn't apologised earlier isn't cause I didn't feel bad, but because I know how he reacts to apologies, and all this other stuff about how different things make different people happy, and how he made me feel like shit about things that usually make me feel fulfilled.

He replied saying "i still hope you can come. love aba"

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Does that mean I will come and he won't talk to me? I really don't fucking get it and I don't like it.

Emails from work:

Boss: Xmas shopping hour turned into almost 3 . It's like David jones knew I was coming and sent every large mum and their twins to block my way....
Me: Don't worry, we don't want you here anyway. Jokes, jokes, these are the jokes. We are having fun making the photocopier staple things. [[we only just discovered that it did this. novel.]]
Boss: Sticks and stones nat, I just gave ur present to a hobo.


The glorious and unexpected thing is he actually DID show up with Christmas presents for us. He gave me a trashy DVD called "Sugar and Spice" which is about cheerleaders who rob a bank. I had actually heard of this movie before he gave it to me, pathetically, which shows that he kind of knows my taste. His card, which was a folded piece of red printing paper, said "I was going to get you a Glee related pressie then Scarlett rightly pointed out u would prob have downloaded
everything already."

You guys, I really love him. He reminds me of a primary school child, nearly every day.




anthony, bullied at school
get your own back, now you are cool - or are you scared?
bunking off though you’re a toff
it’s all gone wrong again, you’ve got double math
and the teacher’s got no control
the boys all run riot, you will stay quiet
or you will die

tony at the back of the gym
smoke another one, your chances are slim
‘cos here they come again
and they got you on the ground
tasting blood again, at least it’s your own
when will you realise, it doesn't pay
to be smarter than teachers, smarter than most boys?
so shut your mouth, start kicking the football
bang on the teeth, you’re off for a week boy

you may as well take it in the guts - it can’t get worse
take it in the guts - it can’t get worse that this
you’ll soon be old enough to leave them
and without a notion of a care
you’ll lift two fingers in the air to linger there

tony, you’re a bit of a mess
melted toblerone under your dress
if the kids could see you they would pass you right by
blue mascara running over your eye
when will you realise it doesn't pay
to be smarter than teachers, smarter than most boys?
shut your mouth, start kicking the football
bang on the teeth, you’re off for a week boy

anthony it could be worse
anthony it could be worse

they call you lord anthony, but hey - it could be worse
lord anthony, but hey - it could be worse
lord anthony, but hey - it kind of suits you anyway

you’ll soon be old enough to leave them
without a notion of a care
you’ll lift two fingers in the air to linger there


I also really fucking love this song, it's one of my favorite songs ever, but I never related it to anyone until now... Sing it if you know the words, kids!