One day, you will all work for me.
Nov. 19th, 2009 06:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cookiedoughI Made Him With My Brain – A Kurt Hummel/Chris Colfer Primer.
The scene: A typical American public high school hallway. We follow a hand clutching a large Slushie cup. Various people shriek, duck aside or pull up hoods of waterproof jackets as the hand passes by – a Slushie thrown in the face is this high school’s traditional bullying technique. This one has a particular target – we stop at a sweet-looking boy in a trilby and full-length clear plastic Dolce and Gabbana rain-coat. He takes in the Slushie and the person holding it – a tall, All-American boy who looks extremely reproachful and guilty about the situation he finds himself in – these two are friends. “Do it.” says the target, jaw set.
“I really don't want to, honestly, I know how picky you are about what products you use on your face…”
“But you've been getting so much pressure from the gorillas on the football team. I guess they didn't appreciate me resigning from the team and choosing Glee.”
“It probably would've went over better if you didn't announce it in the showers.”
“You are NOT gonna Slushie on my man Kurt.” – a group of their friends have arrived to witness this interaction. “Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers any more.” another one adds.
“No! That's not true! It's just, if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me!”
“Well we can't have that, can we.” Kurt states, and grabs the Slushie from his friend’s grasp with both hands.
“What are you doing??”
“It’s called taking one for the team.” He throws the Slushie directly into his own face. Everyone is stunned. He wipes it out of his eyes, and we see he is furious, upset, but not crying and carrying on, just cold fury. “Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not any of your ‘friends’ on the football team would have done that for you.”
Let me tell you something, LiveJournal, and this is not an exaggeration in any way. The above is the best scene I have ever seen in a television show in my entire life and probably the reason why Glee is set to become my favourite show of all time. Now, I saw the pilot when they aired it six months back, but the show actually started airing week by week in early September - while I was on my overseas trip and not following any shows. So I missed five weeks of television and in the back of my mind knew that I had to get a hold of what I’d missed of Glee. Then, when I was travelling with Chris last month, we were at Merri’s and they were watching the show – just certain random song and dance numbers which I enjoyed a lot. Then they let it run, I was wandering in and out, going on the internet and looking after Chris, and it ended up on that scene that I described above. I literally was in jaw-drop shock, just being like ‘oh my god. oh my god. did you see that? Did everyone else just see that? No one else is close to tears right now. Why am I the only one reacting like this?’ I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was being a Crazy Person, but they very kindly put the first 8 episodes onto my iPod hard-drive for me to take home (this is in the 3 week break that happened between episode 8 and 9) and since then I have been obsessed to the extent where I am creeping myself out – like I’ve re-watched the entire series four times and there are certain scenes in certain episodes that I’ve watched more like 20 times. I think about it constantly, talk about it constantly, and listen to the music constantly.
When the Glee pilot aired back in... was it June, on Aussie television, I watched it with excitement, but I thought it was kind of tacky. I figured I’d still watch the show when it came on, because it’s about singing. I like things where people sing. That’s what you must understand first. The reason why I was always going to love this show is because way before I was into any sort of fantasy or sci-fi which makes up the majority of my fandoms now, I cared about singing and I cared about musicals. I wasn’t one of those ‘Broadway Fandom’ people, (which is such a totally intense fandom, btw) – musicals have just always evoked a lot of emotion in me since I was very little. I got into Buffy because of the quality of their musical episode – I’d seen plenty of episodes before that, but it was only when I saw that that I became a real Buffy geek and watched every single episode and got into fandom. And through Joss I got Firefly which means I learned to trust sci-fi (I have trouble just ‘rolling with’ made-up scientific concepts, I always want explanations of how it works and why) and I got Doctor Who and Torchwood and so on. Merlin’s another story because my other life-long passion since before the age of ten is medieval fantasy stuff, so that was always a given – but that was me. I liked knights and I liked singing.
I sung all the way from grade school to HSC (our last year of school) – I wasn’t great, but I wasn’t bad either. (those of you who have heard me singing along to Fall Out Boy may beg to differ, but I used to be decent, okay?!) I did not like performing on my own very much – stage fright and not enough talent - but I LOVED singing with a choir or in musicals. Honestly, in my school, or in Australian schools in general I think, interest in the performing arts is not mocked the way it is in the States. I never understood the whole ‘bank geek’ stereotype. And on American television or in films, the only performing arts stuff you get is when it’s like, Fame, or Centre Stage - or even Camp, which is a FANTASTIC movie - but these are all focused solely around a performing arts school where everyone is in the same boat and the people who are the most talented are the most popular. I honestly can’t think of a show on American network television that’s had this kind of focus and I think that the fact it even exists is amazing and is a truly great opportunity for regular kids in regular schools to find singing ‘cool.’ As I said, it’s a prejudice that I never encountered, but it breaks my heart that it exists. So I am committed to Glee on principle.
The first… 3 or so episodes? Are tacky as all hell. Some parts of them are truly ridiculous, the singing is badly dubbed (for those who don’t know – it’s all their real voices, but they record in a studio and use the recorded tracks in the show, except in certain scenes. They’re moving towards less production in the songs, maybe even using the live filmed takes, which excites me) and the characters are pretty stereotyped. But then, something amazing happened. It’s a brand new show, and it found its feet, and it stepped it up a level. In my opinion this starts in the fourth episode and it starts with Kurt Hummel.
Kurt Hummel may be my favourite television character of all time. I’ve loved many, and loved them intensely. And I still love them. I am just pretty sure I didn’t know I could love one this much. Maybe this is all because of that first proper scene I saw, the one I outlined above, from episode 8. Maybe walking into Merri’s living room at that precise moment was fate kicking me in the ass, saying “get on this, NOW.” Oh maybe it’s just because he is the most epic 16 year old ever created in the history of television.
First off, he’s noble, which is obviously what got me hooked, because, as people like to tease me about, people being noble makes me instantly start to cry. But fuck, he is the most multi-faceted character on that damn show and he could have easily been SUCH a stereotype.
Yes, he is obviously gay, but – people might disagree with me on this – I don’t find him flamboyant at all. He’s extremely into fashion and he’s a little bitch, but when I think camp I think flailing, overdramatic queen. He is not overdramatic at all. Rachel does that enough for the rest of the cast. He is utterly unshakeable and cool pretty much all the time, it comes across in the way he speaks, it’s really clipped and cold and dignified, matter-of-fact. There’s something about him I identify with, I guess – he’s really really blunt, a good person and a good friend, but is really blunt and mean if it’s what he thinks. It doesn’t mean he hates you, just the current situation. “You need to call me before you dress yourself. You look like a technicolor zebra. And I look like I’m a part of it and that I planned it.” He’s badly bullied but just rolls his eyes at it and doesn’t react much, because he KNOWS that he’s better than everyone else and he just has to wait it out until his life puts him in a position where he’s on top, and he knows that time isn’t going to be small-town high school. He is so strong, so tough – he’s like made of steel. It just radiates off of him. Of course some of it is a front, and he is insecure and traumatised but he would never, ever let people know, and he is not willing to change or compromise in order to make his life easier. I think that’s truly the most important thing that kids who feel displaced need to see in a young character on television.
I love his mannerisms. He is so blank, nearly all of the time, even when people are like yelling or carrying on and the others are reacting – “Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate.”, he’s just like :| or filing his nails, he rarely smiles, it’s either a smirk or a small, closed-lip shy smile. But I am kind of obsessed with the way he moves or will hold up a hand or tilt his head, there is something about his body language that I find really amazing. He is also so shameless about what he says, does, and who he likes. Plus, they have him successfully being a crucial part of the varsity football team and have him changing out of his Alexander McQueen to work on cars with his dad. (which has become my favourite mental image of him, baby Kurt growing up knowing how to take apart an engine and put it back together)
His dad. Fuck, that relationship is so incredible. A lot of fans think it is the deepest thing in the show, and I agree. His father is a very conservative kind of guy who is a mechanic. Kurt coming out to him after winning a football game is so incredibly beautifully done, and they’ve said a lot how important that scene is for young people to see, for someone to come out to a conservative parent and have it be okay – no drama, just acceptance. Because that does happen. It’s not all Justin Taylor’s situation and I think that kind of portrayal – which is so common - instils a lot of fear. Of course it’s true in some cases, but not always, and this stuff is rare. It’s such an incredible scene and is only topped by the scenes with his father in episode 9, which made me cry, a lot.
His storyline in episode 9 is this, in a nut-shell: Will brings the club a new solo piece: Defying Gravity from Wicked. Kurt expresses his delight at them doing that song. Will gives the solo to Rachel. The next day, Kurt stands up and says he wants to audition to get the solo instead of Rachel, the entire club murmurs their appreciation, and Will says “Kurt, there’s a high F in it.” He says that’s well within his range, and Will dismisses it, saying Rachel will be fine for the female lead. He goes home and is really vacant in the garage with his dad, who asks what the problem is. I am going to give you these scenes as direct dialogue:
Mr Hummel: What’s up with your brain today? I think it’s going soft, because of all that crap you put in your hair.
Kurt: It’s organic. And I’m fine. I’m sorry; it’s a Glee Club thing.
Mr Hummel: It’s not about a guy, is it? Cause I’m not ready to have that conversation.
Kurt: Well, at least you don’t have to worry about me getting someone pregnant.
It’s not a guy. We’re doing this amazing song for sectionals, a personal favourite of mine, and Mr Schuester won’t give me a chance to sing it.
Mr Hummel: Why?
Kurt: It’s traditionally sung by a girl.
Mr Hummel: Well, you sing like a girl… in a good way. *Kurt nods* Look, Kurt, I don’t know how this music stuff works, I’m pretty exclusively committed to my Mellencamp collection, but isn’t there more crossover nowadays? You know, chicks doing construction, guys wearing dress shoes with no socks... Didn’t that girl from your high school just join the boy’s wrestling team?
Kurt: Yes, but her parents had to sue the school.
Then we cut to a scene of Mr Hummel screaming at Will and the principal, including the amazing quote “You can’t discriminate against my kid because of his sex, religion, political affiliation or the fact that he’s queer as a three-dollar bill!” and basically Will agrees and lets Kurt audition against Rachel for the song, the rest of Glee are to vote for who they think sings the song best. AMAZING scene of Kurt being an utter bitch and doing wheelchair spins. (“We all know I’m more popular than Rachel… and I dress better than her.”) where he makes the club swear to vote based on talent, not popularity, because he is far and away better-liked by everyone than Rachel is.
Next relevant scene is a split – between Kurt practicing in the music rooms and hitting the note, and his dad in the garage answering a phone call – an anonymous one, saying “Your son’s a fag.” Kurt comes home excited and tells his dad that he is going to win, and his dad is really short with him, and tells him about the phone call. Kurt says it’s no big deal, he gets that all the time, and Mr Hummel says, well, he doesn’t. He then gets quite emotional saying that he tries to do right by Kurt and open doors for him and that he knows Glee is good for him, but he’s worried about Kurt getting hurt. Kurt asks if that means he doesn’t want him to audition for the solo, and Mr Hummel says no, no one pushes the Hummels around, especially not anon cowards on the phone. But that he wishes Kurt’s mother was still alive because she was better at being strong and handling his distress. He then congratulates Kurt on getting the note.
The audition – cuts between Rachel’s and Kurt’s. Kurt’s is better – less happy, more “fuck you” in it, much more emotion. But then he gets to the last high note and doesn’t hit it properly, comes out sharp and trembly.
The last scene between Kurt and his dad, in the garage:
Kurt: Hey dad, what are you doing?
Mr Hummel: I’m making biscuits, what does it look like I’m doing? (he’s changing some thing on some car) How’d the tryout go?
Kurt: They gave the part to Rachel.
Mr Hummel: I knew they were gonna rig it! I’m going down to that school, and I’m talking to Schuester.
Kurt: I blew the note. I wanted to lose.
Mr Hummel: Kurt, I stuck my neck out for you, and you go and you throw the game?!
Kurt: Dad. I’ve known who I was since I was five. I adapted. Being different made me stronger, and at the end of the day it’s what’s going to get me out of this cow town. You never had to do that.
Mr Hummel: I can handle myself just fine.
Kurt: No you can’t. Not about this. That phone call yesterday was just the beginning. Especially if I get up in front of a thousand people to sing a girl’s song. When I saw you, right after you got the call, and you were so hurt, and so upset, it just killed me. I’m not saying im going to hide in the closet. I’m proud of who I am. I’m just saying that I love you more than I love being a star.
Mr Hummel: You are your mother, you know? She was always the strong one. Look, you wanna help me put a 195 on this badboy, huh?
Kurt: Let me change into my coveralls. This sweater is Alexander McQueen.
The emotion, the delivery of these lines, the way they light the two actors to show they have the same colour eyes, and that theyre both about to cry… absolutely incredible. Incredible. Of course it is my ‘noble’ thing again, especially since, though he’s a good friend, Kurt is ultimately a selfish person. (“I could totally sing this song with Finn, but screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me.” – even about the guy he’s in love with, lol)
To top off the magnificence of that episode, the whole ‘boy performing Defying Gravity’ thing? That’s Chris Colfer’s story. "I was venting to Ryan one day that in high school, we had this talent show every year, and every year I'd beg my teachers and the other students to let me sing Defying Gravity, because it was my favorite song. It meant the entire world to me. Every year they turned me down and said that I was a boy and it was a girl's song. And I tell this to Ryan, and we get the next script, and it's the story line for Kurt."
How amazing is that?
I love Chris because he is this massive, massive fail. He’s not Kurt. When he’s off-camera his whole persona is completely different, almost unrecognisable. His voice is different, has more of a lilt and coo in it, and is much more eager, he smiles, ALL the time, really widely, with his teeth (which makes him look kind of terrifying but still adorable), yet he is also extremely dry, sarcastic and self-deprecating – which works in writing but is just hilariously adorable when he tries to do it out loud. He has none of Kurt’s superiority and often says he wishes he was more like that, that he could walk into a room and confidently feel better than everyone else in it. His favourite store is Target and the wardrobe assistants on the show make fun of him for it. His best friends at school were the lunch ladies. He is sweet as pie, brutally honest, and hysterical. I would kill to see his audition tapes because, as most people know if you have watched the sho: the role was written for him specifically. He auditioned for another role and they didn’t want him for that but saw something in him that they liked so much that they cut another character and wrote him a new part specifically – based partly on Ryan Murphy, the creator of the show. They even named the character after Chris – Kurt; for when he walked into his audition, Ryan Murphy said ‘why do I have a feeling you’ve been in The Sound of Music? You’ve got Von Trapp written all over you.’ and indeed he had played Kurt Von Trapp in a community theatre production, and Hummel for the old-fashioned porcelain dolls that they thought he resembled.
Community theatre is also the highest level of performance this kid has ever done. School stuff, local stuff – and he has never been professionally trained. This continues to shock me because he is so. fucking. good. I don’t just mean his singing, which is phenomenal – singing is a gift that some people just have, but that range without lessons is insane – I mean his acting. He’d never done ANYTHING like that before and as I said, he is not anything like Kurt. Kurt has his own mannerisms and voice and thoughts and expressions, all of which I love, and when Chris is in character, he is more naturally in character than countless Hollywood actors I’ve seen, in movies and TV.
Also, he used to be 40lbs heavier than he is now – I don’t know what happened there but he’s at the gym a lot. Also, on getting the role, his first feeling was fear – not nerves, FEAR of how his hometown would react, because it’s the kind of place that still has their Yes on Prop8 signs on their lawn, that people there weren’t just harassed, they were killed for being gay. Also, he wrote, directed and set-designed a gender-swapped version of Sweeney Todd in high school, and he loves BBC including Sam Barnett’s show Beautiful People, which I thought no one in America had heard of. Also, he is more natural and sassy at Single Ladies than any of the other versions I’ve seen of it, and he was not a dancer at ALL before the show. Also, he hits himself in the head and yells “Stupid American!” a lot.
I am just going to quote him at you now until I get to the ranty part at the end:
“You don’t need an entourage.” “No, of course not, I’ve got my Blackberry”
“It’s amazing how many friends I apparently had in Clovis.”
“You know when you see pictures in a magazine or on TV of one of those fashion shows and you think to yourself “There’s no way in hell anyone would ever wear that in public.” Those are all my costumes.”
“I would say my wardrobe is about half the show’s budget.”
“What I wore in Single Ladies is something I helped come up with. Cause I just didn’t wanna wear the Beyonce unitard, that would have been so.. that would have been horrible. That would have been like, years of therapy couldn’t help me with that one. And they wanted me in heels, too. Could you imagine that??”
“I’ve noticed that ever since doing the show, I always sit with my legs crossed, like this, because I always sit, as Kurt, with my legs crossed, and my legs have just become Lincoln Logs, like they just fit there, every time I sit down.”
“I despise it completely. I don’t think I hate anything more, besides, you know, murder, than High School Musical.”
“I just tell people that the producers saw me and thought ‘that kid desperately needs a makeover, let’s write him into the show, he’ll be the fashion guy, let’s get him some new clothes. And then we’ll kill him off in Season 2.”
.
“I grew up in a very conservative small town and I was terrified when I found out the role was the gay kid of the club, just because I went home recently, and people still have their “Yes on 8” signs on their front lawns, and the election was months ago. It’s challenging, but right now I couldn't care less — I think it’s done such good things for kids out there.”
“I hope it doesn’t send the country into a state of panic, suicide packs, and bomb shelters like the first broadcast of “War of the Worlds” did, but you never know what singing and dancing children may cause people to do.”
“It's like being bitch-slapped by an iceberg.” – (Slushie to the face)
“If you were to take over the world, how would you like to do it?” “A Ninja army would do the trick, and it just sounds cool. I’d only want to take over the pretty places. There’s a lot of the world I have no interest in. What am I gonna do with a desert?”
“I really don’t have too many nicknames. People called me many things in High School, but they’re not appropriate to mention.”
“I believe a woodchuck should chuck as much wood as that woodchuck is willing to chuck before calling a woodchuck union. Sally also has the right to sell her shells by the sea shore. It’s a free country.”
Twitters:
I was called "Ma'am" four times on the phone today. Oh well...I should use this power to my advantage.
Today has been a day of accomplishment! Besides the TCA Nomination, I brought a 200 lbs television inside using only a razor scooter!
@frankenteen If I could reach that high I'd smack you for posting that picture.
Last night was the first midnight showing of Harry Potter I've ever missed. I'm still secretly waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter.
Whenever I'm stuck in traffic I pretend I'm on a motorcycle. I make the noises and everything. Just thought you should know...
Is the treadmill going to ask for my blood type next? Can I just run please?
Playing "Find Chris's Glasses." Not so much fun.
Home! And so happy to be back! I've missed LA, where the people are nice, driving is safe, and the air is clean...
It's always a humbling experience when you get back from an event and realize you left the price tag on your pants.
@frankenteen Why are you so tall? Did you grow up near a Nuclear plant?
Pranks on set? I always think all my costumes are pranks...but they're not.
I can't wait until I'm in my thirties, so I can play high school seniors!
I love it when you tell someone something that isn't true and they say "I totally knew that!" Gotta lie to find the liars.
The smiley happy me annoys the crap out of the sarcastic and jaded me. Does that make me a true Gemini, or a Diablo Cody project?
Haha I figured you all watched Glee! I forgot to mention I'm a BBC and Showtime junkie. The more you know. [Insert PSA shooting star]
I think nature filmmakers are evil for not yelling "Hey cute little innocent cub! Look out for that big ass eagle behind you!"
Today I walked by workers building a new frozen yogurt place close to home and yelled "Hurry Up!"
What the heck am I supposed to do at a sports bar? Do they have a non-sports section?
Dear Los Angeles High School, I do not have a daughter, please stop calling me when she misses class. Dear LAHS student, GO TO SCHOOL!
It's pretty pathetic when you have to look at your old myspace to remember what your interests are.
I hate the treadmill. I run like a duck with an enema.
I was so happy the paparazzi caught me in a brand new shirt until I got home and realized the price tag was still on it. FML.
ETA: I've been writing drafting post for about two weeks, but something happened today. Now you understand the marvel that this boy is, maybe you will understand the utter fury I had about this: FOX wants to keep Chris Colfer in the closet. Basically, he did an interview with The Advocate, which is a gay press, and I read it a couple weeks back, and Fox has allegedly made the Advocate change the article that was posted, taking out references to Chris being gay. What the fuck? So they're fine with profiting from the popularity of a gay character on their show, but not happy with the actor being gay? I DON'T UNDERSTAND LIFE.
The scene: A typical American public high school hallway. We follow a hand clutching a large Slushie cup. Various people shriek, duck aside or pull up hoods of waterproof jackets as the hand passes by – a Slushie thrown in the face is this high school’s traditional bullying technique. This one has a particular target – we stop at a sweet-looking boy in a trilby and full-length clear plastic Dolce and Gabbana rain-coat. He takes in the Slushie and the person holding it – a tall, All-American boy who looks extremely reproachful and guilty about the situation he finds himself in – these two are friends. “Do it.” says the target, jaw set.
“I really don't want to, honestly, I know how picky you are about what products you use on your face…”
“But you've been getting so much pressure from the gorillas on the football team. I guess they didn't appreciate me resigning from the team and choosing Glee.”
“It probably would've went over better if you didn't announce it in the showers.”
“You are NOT gonna Slushie on my man Kurt.” – a group of their friends have arrived to witness this interaction. “Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers any more.” another one adds.
“No! That's not true! It's just, if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me!”
“Well we can't have that, can we.” Kurt states, and grabs the Slushie from his friend’s grasp with both hands.
“What are you doing??”
“It’s called taking one for the team.” He throws the Slushie directly into his own face. Everyone is stunned. He wipes it out of his eyes, and we see he is furious, upset, but not crying and carrying on, just cold fury. “Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not any of your ‘friends’ on the football team would have done that for you.”
Let me tell you something, LiveJournal, and this is not an exaggeration in any way. The above is the best scene I have ever seen in a television show in my entire life and probably the reason why Glee is set to become my favourite show of all time. Now, I saw the pilot when they aired it six months back, but the show actually started airing week by week in early September - while I was on my overseas trip and not following any shows. So I missed five weeks of television and in the back of my mind knew that I had to get a hold of what I’d missed of Glee. Then, when I was travelling with Chris last month, we were at Merri’s and they were watching the show – just certain random song and dance numbers which I enjoyed a lot. Then they let it run, I was wandering in and out, going on the internet and looking after Chris, and it ended up on that scene that I described above. I literally was in jaw-drop shock, just being like ‘oh my god. oh my god. did you see that? Did everyone else just see that? No one else is close to tears right now. Why am I the only one reacting like this?’ I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was being a Crazy Person, but they very kindly put the first 8 episodes onto my iPod hard-drive for me to take home (this is in the 3 week break that happened between episode 8 and 9) and since then I have been obsessed to the extent where I am creeping myself out – like I’ve re-watched the entire series four times and there are certain scenes in certain episodes that I’ve watched more like 20 times. I think about it constantly, talk about it constantly, and listen to the music constantly.
When the Glee pilot aired back in... was it June, on Aussie television, I watched it with excitement, but I thought it was kind of tacky. I figured I’d still watch the show when it came on, because it’s about singing. I like things where people sing. That’s what you must understand first. The reason why I was always going to love this show is because way before I was into any sort of fantasy or sci-fi which makes up the majority of my fandoms now, I cared about singing and I cared about musicals. I wasn’t one of those ‘Broadway Fandom’ people, (which is such a totally intense fandom, btw) – musicals have just always evoked a lot of emotion in me since I was very little. I got into Buffy because of the quality of their musical episode – I’d seen plenty of episodes before that, but it was only when I saw that that I became a real Buffy geek and watched every single episode and got into fandom. And through Joss I got Firefly which means I learned to trust sci-fi (I have trouble just ‘rolling with’ made-up scientific concepts, I always want explanations of how it works and why) and I got Doctor Who and Torchwood and so on. Merlin’s another story because my other life-long passion since before the age of ten is medieval fantasy stuff, so that was always a given – but that was me. I liked knights and I liked singing.
I sung all the way from grade school to HSC (our last year of school) – I wasn’t great, but I wasn’t bad either. (those of you who have heard me singing along to Fall Out Boy may beg to differ, but I used to be decent, okay?!) I did not like performing on my own very much – stage fright and not enough talent - but I LOVED singing with a choir or in musicals. Honestly, in my school, or in Australian schools in general I think, interest in the performing arts is not mocked the way it is in the States. I never understood the whole ‘bank geek’ stereotype. And on American television or in films, the only performing arts stuff you get is when it’s like, Fame, or Centre Stage - or even Camp, which is a FANTASTIC movie - but these are all focused solely around a performing arts school where everyone is in the same boat and the people who are the most talented are the most popular. I honestly can’t think of a show on American network television that’s had this kind of focus and I think that the fact it even exists is amazing and is a truly great opportunity for regular kids in regular schools to find singing ‘cool.’ As I said, it’s a prejudice that I never encountered, but it breaks my heart that it exists. So I am committed to Glee on principle.
The first… 3 or so episodes? Are tacky as all hell. Some parts of them are truly ridiculous, the singing is badly dubbed (for those who don’t know – it’s all their real voices, but they record in a studio and use the recorded tracks in the show, except in certain scenes. They’re moving towards less production in the songs, maybe even using the live filmed takes, which excites me) and the characters are pretty stereotyped. But then, something amazing happened. It’s a brand new show, and it found its feet, and it stepped it up a level. In my opinion this starts in the fourth episode and it starts with Kurt Hummel.
Kurt Hummel may be my favourite television character of all time. I’ve loved many, and loved them intensely. And I still love them. I am just pretty sure I didn’t know I could love one this much. Maybe this is all because of that first proper scene I saw, the one I outlined above, from episode 8. Maybe walking into Merri’s living room at that precise moment was fate kicking me in the ass, saying “get on this, NOW.” Oh maybe it’s just because he is the most epic 16 year old ever created in the history of television.
First off, he’s noble, which is obviously what got me hooked, because, as people like to tease me about, people being noble makes me instantly start to cry. But fuck, he is the most multi-faceted character on that damn show and he could have easily been SUCH a stereotype.
Yes, he is obviously gay, but – people might disagree with me on this – I don’t find him flamboyant at all. He’s extremely into fashion and he’s a little bitch, but when I think camp I think flailing, overdramatic queen. He is not overdramatic at all. Rachel does that enough for the rest of the cast. He is utterly unshakeable and cool pretty much all the time, it comes across in the way he speaks, it’s really clipped and cold and dignified, matter-of-fact. There’s something about him I identify with, I guess – he’s really really blunt, a good person and a good friend, but is really blunt and mean if it’s what he thinks. It doesn’t mean he hates you, just the current situation. “You need to call me before you dress yourself. You look like a technicolor zebra. And I look like I’m a part of it and that I planned it.” He’s badly bullied but just rolls his eyes at it and doesn’t react much, because he KNOWS that he’s better than everyone else and he just has to wait it out until his life puts him in a position where he’s on top, and he knows that time isn’t going to be small-town high school. He is so strong, so tough – he’s like made of steel. It just radiates off of him. Of course some of it is a front, and he is insecure and traumatised but he would never, ever let people know, and he is not willing to change or compromise in order to make his life easier. I think that’s truly the most important thing that kids who feel displaced need to see in a young character on television.
I love his mannerisms. He is so blank, nearly all of the time, even when people are like yelling or carrying on and the others are reacting – “Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate.”, he’s just like :| or filing his nails, he rarely smiles, it’s either a smirk or a small, closed-lip shy smile. But I am kind of obsessed with the way he moves or will hold up a hand or tilt his head, there is something about his body language that I find really amazing. He is also so shameless about what he says, does, and who he likes. Plus, they have him successfully being a crucial part of the varsity football team and have him changing out of his Alexander McQueen to work on cars with his dad. (which has become my favourite mental image of him, baby Kurt growing up knowing how to take apart an engine and put it back together)
His dad. Fuck, that relationship is so incredible. A lot of fans think it is the deepest thing in the show, and I agree. His father is a very conservative kind of guy who is a mechanic. Kurt coming out to him after winning a football game is so incredibly beautifully done, and they’ve said a lot how important that scene is for young people to see, for someone to come out to a conservative parent and have it be okay – no drama, just acceptance. Because that does happen. It’s not all Justin Taylor’s situation and I think that kind of portrayal – which is so common - instils a lot of fear. Of course it’s true in some cases, but not always, and this stuff is rare. It’s such an incredible scene and is only topped by the scenes with his father in episode 9, which made me cry, a lot.
His storyline in episode 9 is this, in a nut-shell: Will brings the club a new solo piece: Defying Gravity from Wicked. Kurt expresses his delight at them doing that song. Will gives the solo to Rachel. The next day, Kurt stands up and says he wants to audition to get the solo instead of Rachel, the entire club murmurs their appreciation, and Will says “Kurt, there’s a high F in it.” He says that’s well within his range, and Will dismisses it, saying Rachel will be fine for the female lead. He goes home and is really vacant in the garage with his dad, who asks what the problem is. I am going to give you these scenes as direct dialogue:
Mr Hummel: What’s up with your brain today? I think it’s going soft, because of all that crap you put in your hair.
Kurt: It’s organic. And I’m fine. I’m sorry; it’s a Glee Club thing.
Mr Hummel: It’s not about a guy, is it? Cause I’m not ready to have that conversation.
Kurt: Well, at least you don’t have to worry about me getting someone pregnant.
It’s not a guy. We’re doing this amazing song for sectionals, a personal favourite of mine, and Mr Schuester won’t give me a chance to sing it.
Mr Hummel: Why?
Kurt: It’s traditionally sung by a girl.
Mr Hummel: Well, you sing like a girl… in a good way. *Kurt nods* Look, Kurt, I don’t know how this music stuff works, I’m pretty exclusively committed to my Mellencamp collection, but isn’t there more crossover nowadays? You know, chicks doing construction, guys wearing dress shoes with no socks... Didn’t that girl from your high school just join the boy’s wrestling team?
Kurt: Yes, but her parents had to sue the school.
Then we cut to a scene of Mr Hummel screaming at Will and the principal, including the amazing quote “You can’t discriminate against my kid because of his sex, religion, political affiliation or the fact that he’s queer as a three-dollar bill!” and basically Will agrees and lets Kurt audition against Rachel for the song, the rest of Glee are to vote for who they think sings the song best. AMAZING scene of Kurt being an utter bitch and doing wheelchair spins. (“We all know I’m more popular than Rachel… and I dress better than her.”) where he makes the club swear to vote based on talent, not popularity, because he is far and away better-liked by everyone than Rachel is.
Next relevant scene is a split – between Kurt practicing in the music rooms and hitting the note, and his dad in the garage answering a phone call – an anonymous one, saying “Your son’s a fag.” Kurt comes home excited and tells his dad that he is going to win, and his dad is really short with him, and tells him about the phone call. Kurt says it’s no big deal, he gets that all the time, and Mr Hummel says, well, he doesn’t. He then gets quite emotional saying that he tries to do right by Kurt and open doors for him and that he knows Glee is good for him, but he’s worried about Kurt getting hurt. Kurt asks if that means he doesn’t want him to audition for the solo, and Mr Hummel says no, no one pushes the Hummels around, especially not anon cowards on the phone. But that he wishes Kurt’s mother was still alive because she was better at being strong and handling his distress. He then congratulates Kurt on getting the note.
The audition – cuts between Rachel’s and Kurt’s. Kurt’s is better – less happy, more “fuck you” in it, much more emotion. But then he gets to the last high note and doesn’t hit it properly, comes out sharp and trembly.
The last scene between Kurt and his dad, in the garage:
Kurt: Hey dad, what are you doing?
Mr Hummel: I’m making biscuits, what does it look like I’m doing? (he’s changing some thing on some car) How’d the tryout go?
Kurt: They gave the part to Rachel.
Mr Hummel: I knew they were gonna rig it! I’m going down to that school, and I’m talking to Schuester.
Kurt: I blew the note. I wanted to lose.
Mr Hummel: Kurt, I stuck my neck out for you, and you go and you throw the game?!
Kurt: Dad. I’ve known who I was since I was five. I adapted. Being different made me stronger, and at the end of the day it’s what’s going to get me out of this cow town. You never had to do that.
Mr Hummel: I can handle myself just fine.
Kurt: No you can’t. Not about this. That phone call yesterday was just the beginning. Especially if I get up in front of a thousand people to sing a girl’s song. When I saw you, right after you got the call, and you were so hurt, and so upset, it just killed me. I’m not saying im going to hide in the closet. I’m proud of who I am. I’m just saying that I love you more than I love being a star.
Mr Hummel: You are your mother, you know? She was always the strong one. Look, you wanna help me put a 195 on this badboy, huh?
Kurt: Let me change into my coveralls. This sweater is Alexander McQueen.
The emotion, the delivery of these lines, the way they light the two actors to show they have the same colour eyes, and that theyre both about to cry… absolutely incredible. Incredible. Of course it is my ‘noble’ thing again, especially since, though he’s a good friend, Kurt is ultimately a selfish person. (“I could totally sing this song with Finn, but screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me.” – even about the guy he’s in love with, lol)
To top off the magnificence of that episode, the whole ‘boy performing Defying Gravity’ thing? That’s Chris Colfer’s story. "I was venting to Ryan one day that in high school, we had this talent show every year, and every year I'd beg my teachers and the other students to let me sing Defying Gravity, because it was my favorite song. It meant the entire world to me. Every year they turned me down and said that I was a boy and it was a girl's song. And I tell this to Ryan, and we get the next script, and it's the story line for Kurt."
How amazing is that?
I love Chris because he is this massive, massive fail. He’s not Kurt. When he’s off-camera his whole persona is completely different, almost unrecognisable. His voice is different, has more of a lilt and coo in it, and is much more eager, he smiles, ALL the time, really widely, with his teeth (which makes him look kind of terrifying but still adorable), yet he is also extremely dry, sarcastic and self-deprecating – which works in writing but is just hilariously adorable when he tries to do it out loud. He has none of Kurt’s superiority and often says he wishes he was more like that, that he could walk into a room and confidently feel better than everyone else in it. His favourite store is Target and the wardrobe assistants on the show make fun of him for it. His best friends at school were the lunch ladies. He is sweet as pie, brutally honest, and hysterical. I would kill to see his audition tapes because, as most people know if you have watched the sho: the role was written for him specifically. He auditioned for another role and they didn’t want him for that but saw something in him that they liked so much that they cut another character and wrote him a new part specifically – based partly on Ryan Murphy, the creator of the show. They even named the character after Chris – Kurt; for when he walked into his audition, Ryan Murphy said ‘why do I have a feeling you’ve been in The Sound of Music? You’ve got Von Trapp written all over you.’ and indeed he had played Kurt Von Trapp in a community theatre production, and Hummel for the old-fashioned porcelain dolls that they thought he resembled.
Community theatre is also the highest level of performance this kid has ever done. School stuff, local stuff – and he has never been professionally trained. This continues to shock me because he is so. fucking. good. I don’t just mean his singing, which is phenomenal – singing is a gift that some people just have, but that range without lessons is insane – I mean his acting. He’d never done ANYTHING like that before and as I said, he is not anything like Kurt. Kurt has his own mannerisms and voice and thoughts and expressions, all of which I love, and when Chris is in character, he is more naturally in character than countless Hollywood actors I’ve seen, in movies and TV.
Also, he used to be 40lbs heavier than he is now – I don’t know what happened there but he’s at the gym a lot. Also, on getting the role, his first feeling was fear – not nerves, FEAR of how his hometown would react, because it’s the kind of place that still has their Yes on Prop8 signs on their lawn, that people there weren’t just harassed, they were killed for being gay. Also, he wrote, directed and set-designed a gender-swapped version of Sweeney Todd in high school, and he loves BBC including Sam Barnett’s show Beautiful People, which I thought no one in America had heard of. Also, he is more natural and sassy at Single Ladies than any of the other versions I’ve seen of it, and he was not a dancer at ALL before the show. Also, he hits himself in the head and yells “Stupid American!” a lot.
I am just going to quote him at you now until I get to the ranty part at the end:
“You don’t need an entourage.” “No, of course not, I’ve got my Blackberry”
“It’s amazing how many friends I apparently had in Clovis.”
“You know when you see pictures in a magazine or on TV of one of those fashion shows and you think to yourself “There’s no way in hell anyone would ever wear that in public.” Those are all my costumes.”
“I would say my wardrobe is about half the show’s budget.”
“What I wore in Single Ladies is something I helped come up with. Cause I just didn’t wanna wear the Beyonce unitard, that would have been so.. that would have been horrible. That would have been like, years of therapy couldn’t help me with that one. And they wanted me in heels, too. Could you imagine that??”
“I’ve noticed that ever since doing the show, I always sit with my legs crossed, like this, because I always sit, as Kurt, with my legs crossed, and my legs have just become Lincoln Logs, like they just fit there, every time I sit down.”
“I despise it completely. I don’t think I hate anything more, besides, you know, murder, than High School Musical.”
“I just tell people that the producers saw me and thought ‘that kid desperately needs a makeover, let’s write him into the show, he’ll be the fashion guy, let’s get him some new clothes. And then we’ll kill him off in Season 2.”
.
“I grew up in a very conservative small town and I was terrified when I found out the role was the gay kid of the club, just because I went home recently, and people still have their “Yes on 8” signs on their front lawns, and the election was months ago. It’s challenging, but right now I couldn't care less — I think it’s done such good things for kids out there.”
“I hope it doesn’t send the country into a state of panic, suicide packs, and bomb shelters like the first broadcast of “War of the Worlds” did, but you never know what singing and dancing children may cause people to do.”
“It's like being bitch-slapped by an iceberg.” – (Slushie to the face)
“If you were to take over the world, how would you like to do it?” “A Ninja army would do the trick, and it just sounds cool. I’d only want to take over the pretty places. There’s a lot of the world I have no interest in. What am I gonna do with a desert?”
“I really don’t have too many nicknames. People called me many things in High School, but they’re not appropriate to mention.”
“I believe a woodchuck should chuck as much wood as that woodchuck is willing to chuck before calling a woodchuck union. Sally also has the right to sell her shells by the sea shore. It’s a free country.”
Twitters:
I was called "Ma'am" four times on the phone today. Oh well...I should use this power to my advantage.
Today has been a day of accomplishment! Besides the TCA Nomination, I brought a 200 lbs television inside using only a razor scooter!
@frankenteen If I could reach that high I'd smack you for posting that picture.
Last night was the first midnight showing of Harry Potter I've ever missed. I'm still secretly waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter.
Whenever I'm stuck in traffic I pretend I'm on a motorcycle. I make the noises and everything. Just thought you should know...
Is the treadmill going to ask for my blood type next? Can I just run please?
Playing "Find Chris's Glasses." Not so much fun.
Home! And so happy to be back! I've missed LA, where the people are nice, driving is safe, and the air is clean...
It's always a humbling experience when you get back from an event and realize you left the price tag on your pants.
@frankenteen Why are you so tall? Did you grow up near a Nuclear plant?
Pranks on set? I always think all my costumes are pranks...but they're not.
I can't wait until I'm in my thirties, so I can play high school seniors!
I love it when you tell someone something that isn't true and they say "I totally knew that!" Gotta lie to find the liars.
The smiley happy me annoys the crap out of the sarcastic and jaded me. Does that make me a true Gemini, or a Diablo Cody project?
Haha I figured you all watched Glee! I forgot to mention I'm a BBC and Showtime junkie. The more you know. [Insert PSA shooting star]
I think nature filmmakers are evil for not yelling "Hey cute little innocent cub! Look out for that big ass eagle behind you!"
Today I walked by workers building a new frozen yogurt place close to home and yelled "Hurry Up!"
What the heck am I supposed to do at a sports bar? Do they have a non-sports section?
Dear Los Angeles High School, I do not have a daughter, please stop calling me when she misses class. Dear LAHS student, GO TO SCHOOL!
It's pretty pathetic when you have to look at your old myspace to remember what your interests are.
I hate the treadmill. I run like a duck with an enema.
I was so happy the paparazzi caught me in a brand new shirt until I got home and realized the price tag was still on it. FML.
ETA: I've been writing drafting post for about two weeks, but something happened today. Now you understand the marvel that this boy is, maybe you will understand the utter fury I had about this: FOX wants to keep Chris Colfer in the closet. Basically, he did an interview with The Advocate, which is a gay press, and I read it a couple weeks back, and Fox has allegedly made the Advocate change the article that was posted, taking out references to Chris being gay. What the fuck? So they're fine with profiting from the popularity of a gay character on their show, but not happy with the actor being gay? I DON'T UNDERSTAND LIFE.
