Dear friends (particularly new Glee friends):

As my post the other day implied, I have become That Guy who has a playlist for a character. I want to upload this as a fanmix. The only thing holding me back is my inability to make graphics outside of Paint, and I want it to look awesome.

When I finalise the mix, would anyone like to make me some cover-art?
Dawn: I thought they were happy.
Buffy: They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.


---

I cannot remember being this scared.
Blaine Anderson - I Pretend Like I Do.

Firstly: You know how I said that if anything, Darren playing him hinders my love of Blaine, rather than enhances it? You need to know how weird it is for me to be writing about, shipping, and analyzing the shit out of a character Darren plays. It feels very, very, very strange, almost like if one of you guys created or played a character and I was like, way too into it for it to be uncreepy. (I guess I DO kind of do this with The Wolf House, actually. Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] sharpest_rose.)But I don't even see Darren when I look at Blaine in character. I can't see him at all.

That being said, let us put aside my ongoing Darren Criss Celebrity Conflict and focus on the fact that he is really... really, and truly, an OUTSTANDING actor. I will take down anyone who says otherwise (and oh, people are trying to say otherwise, that he over-acts and isn't subtle, etc, etc.)

I was going to write this post during the Glee hiatus, but then I thought no, I'll wait to see what they give us in the Superbowl/V-Day episodes, I'll just wait. But now I wish I HADN'T waited, so I would have written, dated proof that my head-canon (a lot of the fandom's head-canon) matched what they're actually doing and that we got that head-canon from what has been shown just from episodes 6 - 10 of this season. Due to what Darren put into the few minutes of screen time that he got.

Firstly, I am going to ramble about the stuff that I built about Blaine. Then I will address how the new episodes confirm/deny that, and what I think it all means.

You don't even know, guys, I am SO relieved. Both Ryan and Darren are like blah blah yes Blaine will have layers and... yes, I saw the potential, obviously. I saw what I thought Darren was doing with it, but I was scared that he was.. wasting his energy. Because this is GLEE. Ryan Murphy, God love him, does not create characters with layers, he creates one-dimensional characters who eventually get layers added later on, often extremely contradictory ones. So I have been wondering... and wondering and wondering.. how much of what we saw of Blaine's behavior - not his words, not the script, but his actions, expressions, his fucking eyes, was due to actual direction, and how much was Darren just making it up - making the character look deeper than the writers actually planned to make him. Just watching his eyes in the Don't Cry For Me Argentina scene, guys, watch it again and I challenge you to read him.

This is my Blaine. This is what I saw, based on the scenes from before the hiatus:

He's a Dalton transfer, not a legacy, so while he may possibly come from money, he didn't grow up in that environment like most of the Dalton boys did. This could be one of three things: a) he was messed over at another private school, b) he's rich but he chose to try going to a public school, or or c) that he actually comes from a relatively 'normal' family and isn't the heir to the Vanderbilt fortune or anything (we will save my meta on how Blaine = Anderson Cooper for another day.) I'm thinking it's a) or c), but he's not irreverent about money. I know a lot of very wealthy people - my immediate family include very, very wealthy people, multi-millionares (no, I have no claim on that money :P) and I went to a very Dalton-esque private school in one of the wealthiest areas in Sydney. The biggest tell, when a wealthy person is a douchebag, is whether they act like money matters - whether they acknowledge something as objectively expensive, even if they can easily afford it, and Blaine does. He says that "tuition at Dalton is kinda steep" - he understands that affording it easily makes him privileged. So that tells us something about his background - that even if he's rich, he's not a snob, not oblivious and he doesn't need to check his privilege.

His two most outstanding qualities are that he is desperately good-hearted and that he has a chronic need for approval. This means that for every single person he meets, he needs to fit the mold for whatever place they need him in in their life.

When it comes to Kurt - he was instantly, maybe even subconsciously, attracted to him. This is not my own meta. This happens. I have a gif of it. I doubt most of you have rewound and hashed the hell out of this like me and my comm have, but when he meets Kurt on the stairs, his jaw drops and he just, drinks him in. Just for two seconds, and then he pulls himself together, introduces himself, and pulls Kurt off by the hand (for no reason except to touch?), and Teenage Dream happens, which is just ridiculously unsubtle. Because Blaine only knows how to sing his feelings - more below on this.

Of course Kurt being there did not inspire Blaine to sing Teenage Dream. It was planned already. Some people speculate that it WAS put on for Kurt - not because Blaine was attracted, but because they knew there was a spy wandering around the school, and they wanted to show him what they were bringing. But either way, this did not stop Blaine choosing to sing the whole thing to Kurt, minutes after they met. This is because Blaine is a flirt. Blaine is a flirt because Blaine desperately needs approval from every person he meets. His actions in Teenage Dream are not sleazy, not even that cocky. It isn't arrogance or showing off. It's just 'like me, please like me, look at me and approve of me.'

So for like half an hour or whatever, he allows himself to be attracted, whether it is conscious or instinctual I don't know. But the second he finds out Kurt's problems, he firmly shuts that door in his mind and tries to be what Kurt needs - a mentor, a guide, support, someone who isn't asking anything of him.

Kurt does not know it, but Blaine has never been in that position before. All-Around-Nice-Guy Blaine who will give you the shirt off his back, yes, but he has NOT been in that dominant mentor position before. He is not a gay Yoda, he is not some great leader, he is a seventeen year old boy who left his last school because he could not handle half of what Kurt is handling. He takes on roles for people and does them until they feel real - forgets they were ever NOT real. When he represses things, he represses them so much that he forgets they were things he was repressing, they just become fact. And he thinks that Kurt needs him in that way. So he's repressed the fact he's attracted to Kurt and acts like the white knight who knows exactly how to handle all of Kurt's problems when he couldn't handle his own.

Which is why he sucks so badly at it. Honey, you can have a suave, sure voice all you like, but your advice fucking SUCKS. It SUCKS. Yes, Blaine does not know the full extent of Kurt's drama - the fact he uses the word 'taunted' enforces to me that his was much less physical - but he encourages Kurt to confront the people who are physically attacking him and as a result the whole Karofsky thing happens. Blaine blames himself for it. He was projecting his own guilt about running away and not standing up for himself onto Kurt - trying to redeem himself through encouraging Kurt - and it fucked Kurt over. Which is one of the reasons he'd take off in the middle of a school day and drive two hours to McKinley to help Kurt. I'm sure he would help him even if he had nothing to do with it, but he DEFINITELY feels responsible.

God, if I keep writing this much this is going to end up being ten thousand words no fucking problem. Have some dot points.

- He feels the need to do the right thing morally even when he disapproves personally (reaching out to Karofsky even when his tone was dripping with contempt for him)

- He tries very hard to be in control but has trouble hiding his emotions when they are snarky or bitter - "Kurt told me what you did." "I even complained about it to the faculty."

- It takes a lot for him to swear.

- He's very tactile with people who will allow him to be. He finds comfort through touch and assumes other people will find comfort from them touching him.

- He's a goof. His dapperness is part of his goofiness - it's a conscious affectation. The other Dalton guys are legitimately, mindlessly, woodenly polite, but he does the dapper thing and it's kind of an outlet. Because his natural goofy self was kind of reined in pretty fast when he saw no one else acted like that. His old-worldlyness like the pocket watch and some of his little gestures (start of Baby It's Cold Outside) are all conscious, dorky affectations. He admires the old world, the imagery, class and style of old Hollywood and the Fifties.

- That being said, he IS polite - not because he has to be, but because he is naturally earnest and courteous and good. And needs people to like him. His interactions with Rachel, Will and Mercedes show that pretty clearly, Mercedes especially because I am 100% certain he privately did not appreciate Mercedes 'tuning out' while he discussed the basic human rights of himself and Mercedes' best friend. Kind of also another example of him not being able to stand up for himself very well.

- Because of the whole fitting the mold thing, he goes out of his way to adapt at Dalton. He can't just be like, bare minimum fitting in, his need for approval means he needs to go above and beyond. This includes the hair. Not everyone at the school has hair that controlled - look at that guy with the 'fro in the Warblers. But most people take it as absolute canon that Blaine had The Hair - you know, Darren's actual hair - before Dalton and he adapted to this style in his attempt to become a perfect image of fitting in.

- He's more natural with Kurt, especially off-campus. Be it goofier, camper, more boisterous, less lecturing, whatever. He uses a different VOICE. He doesn't even realize it most of the time, doesn't realize he acts differently, but the more he gets close to Kurt, the more he starts to see Dalton/the Warblers through Kurt's eyes and the more he starts to question things.

- Part of this may be to do with the fact he finds Kurt delightful - laughing at Kurt's jokes about Pavarotti in front of the Warblers - and realizing no one else approves. That causes him a bunch of conflict - you know when he wankily starts using the royal We after Kurt's first rehearsal? I think he's really conflicted, like this has WORKED for him for so long and now here is this other boy, who has had SUCH an awful time and dealt with so much, but is still willing to be himself, be vulnerable, not hide himself in any way? I think that scares and confuses him, he admires and respects Kurt for not caring that people disapprove, and it reminds him that he's not the same way. He probably hasn't been reminded of that in a long time, he's just been doing his thing and has had no one shaking him up, none of the Dalton guys know him well enough to assume he's anything other than the role he portrays.

- Someone in my comm wrote something brilliant, that when Blaine was saying "you'll fit in soon enough," he wasn't saying "you have to fit in." he was saying "you get to." And he wants Dalton to work for Kurt, help Kurt in the same way it helped him. He wants Kurt to feel like he's a part of it. And at the same time that Kurt is actually listening to him and running with his idiotic gilded-canary-cage metaphors, Blaine, the more time he spends with Kurt, is realizing that it maybe isn't working for HIM. He fights it, but being around Kurt reminds him of who he is under the mask, and he starts to feel the cage himself, whereas before Kurt he'd forgotten there were bars there. It also, as I said above, scared the shit out of him because he has not seen someone so unbothered by expressing themselves. Blaine's not ashamed or afraid of being gay - in the sheer technicality of liking men - and no one at Dalton cares/can harass him for that, but they can and do severely disapprove of his individual personality, being informal or non-traditional, or being "weird."

- He's the front man of the Warblers - but he isn't the leader. He's liked and respected, but he isn't on the council. He was put into his position as front man by other people, because he's good - captivating and energetic - but not because he fought to have the solos or anything. That's why he says to Kurt 'you won't make it as a Warbler if all you care about is getting noticed.' - He has no arrogance when he performs - he's not Kurt or Rachel. (That being said, he really does like to make an entrance.) He's in that position because it simply just fit him the best, maybe even because he couldn't blend properly with others - not like Kurt can't/doesn't want to, but a literal physical inability to be co-ordinated. However, they do need a front man, so it works for him to be in that position. But the council want to reprimand him every time he doesn't take things quite serious enough - pulls faces, does something unchoreographed. They let him get away with it because audiences love him.

- When he's performing and goes off-script, it's the only time he feels free, like truly himself. He is subconsciously restless and needs an outlet.

- He doesn't handle going off-script in the real world very well, though. He is an idealist, a romantic, and he plans out situations, has a very set idea of How They Should Go. When they don't go how he plans, he does not know what to do - freezes up, doesn't know how to make the situation keep working in his favor. Like Karofsky pushing him into the fence. Or Kurt doing Don't Cry For Me Argentina - god, his face in that scene was incredible, it was full of so much awe and so much conflict.

- The last main point that is taken as absolute canon is that he will transfer to McKinley. With Kurt, or a while after. So he can face his running-away regrets, and not be stifled.

So yeah. This, and more, is all stuff that I, and other people in the fandom, drew from what was seen in the three episodes Blaine was in up until Christmas. There's more, I am sure there is more, stuff that will come to mind every now and then. I associate a million songs with him, which is something I very rarely do for characters - I don't automatically hear songs and think 'oh, good theme song for so-and-so' but for Blaine it happens all the time. I have a playlist. I have NEVER drawn so much meta, so much canon, from a character I'd seen only snippets about. The only one comparable is Remus Lupin. I seriously - Blaine grabs something in me, I am SO invested in him, and it's 100% not because of Darren. As I said, Darren could be a douchebag, or a nobody, or a robot they activate to play Blaine, but as long as Blaine was played like this, I would still be invested like this. I always expected to support Darren on Glee and like his character, but I NEVER expected to love him this much. NEVER.

And I have never felt so validated.

Blaine in Superbowl Ep and Silly Love Songs )

I just... this character, you guys. I am HOOKED on him. I am so in love with everything this show is choosing to be right now.
I didn't get tickets to Comic-Con. Went onsale at 4am my time, stayed up until 7am trying to get through and the site was crashing that whole time. It is apparently now sold out of DAY PASSES. I knew I wasn't going to get a 4-day pass, but last year the single-day passes were onsale for MONTHS. I know because I actually bought some in the hope that I'd be able to go.

I'm full of like, a lot of self-loathing right now. I'm really scared and upset and don't know what to do. This is pretty much my only chance to attend, and it fit so perfectly with the trip, and I am so desparate and confused.

Has anyone been before/been through the ticketing process? I know they release refunds, but I don't know about them releasing second batches of tickets in general. It just seems bizarre to me that the day tix would be availale for months last year and sell out instantly this year. Is this because there was such fuckery with the onsale date?

Can anyone offer me any advice at all?



eta: mildly consoled by the Guardian Author. Volunteering is an option I would LOVE to take, but Comic-Con seems like such a massive undertaking that I wouldn't even know where to start with various organisations. If you can recommend any, let me know also. Himself has DM'd me a contact to start with, so that at least makes me feel like I can Take Action.
First day in London )


Henry IV at the Globe )


Monday 23rd - what a waste of life )


Libertines Reunion Shows - Day 1 (friends and family gig) )


Libertines Reunion Shows - Day 2 (main gig and afterparty) )


Thursday 26th - Carl Barat Levi's instore )

Anyway that’s all for today. Next time: Leeds and Reading, Cardiff and onwards from there. I was going to illustrate this with pictures, but can't upload at work so they will have to come separately. Or perhaps I'll edit them in.
Hello friends. This is my England schedule:




This is a list of things I potentially want to do, aside from the usual eat cupcakes and go to Camden:

PAID:
Stonehenge/Windsor/Bath day trip.
Cardiff overnight trip.
Westminster Abbey
***Holmes Walking Tour 2PM FRIDAYS
***Oscar Wilde Walking Tour 11AM SATURDAYS
Sherlock Holmes Museum
Kensington Palace
Hampton Court (Henry VIII palace and maze)
Electric Cinema – Portobello *
Prince Charles Cinema * (*if there’s a special movie screening I want to see)
Chelsea Physic Garden (crazy walled wild old garden only sun/wed/thu/fri)
Globe Theatre – Henry IV Pt 1 and 2
Musical – Les Mis or Wicked
St Paul’s Cathedral GBP
Cabinet War Rooms GBP
Proud Cabaret
Last Days of Decadence (Saturday nights)

FREE:
Portobello Rd Markets (on weekend, clothes market)
Kensington Gardens/Hyde Park
Holland Park
V and A Museum (including My Generation – Glory Days of British Rock, free, until 30 Aug)
Tate Britain – Pre-Raphaelites (general collection)
National Gallery (general collection)
Somerset House (outside)
Wilde’s House – Tite St
Kings Rd – Vivienne Westwood
East End Markets– spitalfields/brick lane (Sundays)
St Martin in the Fields (free lunchtime classical music)
Berkeley Square
Russell Square – Coram Fields, Black Books
Proud Galleries



Please let me know if any of these things interest you and if you would like to join me and we can maybe make a plan.
'Who goes "hey, i'm going to wobble around with vertical sticks under my feet all day, that'll make me an empowered individual"' - [livejournal.com profile] olizmay

things that made me cry on the train today )

I don’t like them aesthetically at all because I can’t look at them objectively. All I see is what they represent and how stupid people are. I’m never like ‘that looks good’ – always only – ‘that’s fucked up’ and it really, really fucks with me that more people don’t think the same, especially guys, especially guys who are interested in or whom I want to like me.

This leads me on to want to talk about some other stuff about how I feel and this is going to be quite hard to write so we’ll see how it goes.

- If I am with a guy, or like a guy, I can not handle him finding stuff attractive that I find a) ugly, b) categorically wrong or c) is simply so different from what I am that I could never compare or emulate it. These things all make me feel shit about myself, completely unattractive and like he doesn’t want me.

a) if a guy likes a girl, or a certain quality, that I find unattractive, and also claims to like me – while I am aware that people like more than just photocopies of the same person, if he really likes something I find gross, it will make me feel like he has no taste, and therefore if he claims to find me attractive, I must actually also be gross. I had this happen a few weeks into my relationship with Rob, years ago, about fucking Emma Watson, and it almost ended it.

b) if a guy likes something I find wrong, like the stiletto debacle above, or a lot of makeup, or whatever, even if he says he doesn’t care if I don’t make that choice - not only will I get very upset that he doesn’t see the reasons why it is wrong and therefore stop liking it, not only will I be angry that he is dumb, but it will STILL make me feel inferior, wrong and unattractive, even though I wouldn’t want to do whatever the thing is, it still makes me feel like shit that, if I did it, he might like me more.

c) If a guy likes a girl I could never be or style which I know I cant pull off – not something I hate, even something I might admire myself - black hair and red lipstick for example, or a different body type – just something I know I cant do – it makes me border on suicidal as far as insecurity about him goes. He will never like me, I will never be good enough for him, he will always want THAT, and why wouldn’t he, that is so much better than me. I’m nothing. It is no good saying something like “while I do like it, I don’t expect you to become it” because it will just make me feel worse. All it says to me is that there is other stuff you like better than me.

Any guy I like commenting on something that they like that I don't have - that I can't or won't be - makes me feel useless, unattractive, hate myself, and like he hates me or wants more, that I am not what he wants.

I would have to feel very, very secure about a guy, and know he was so into me that he couldn’t see straight, for me not to be cut by him agreeing with me if I said another woman was hot.

I know that sounds ridiculous. I really do. But dudes, you are NOT meant to say “yes, she is” if I say someone is pretty, you’re meant to tell me all the things about me that are better than her.

And NO, I'm not saying the other woman is pretty in order to try and get you to compliment me, or because I want to bitch about her. I’m saying it because I think that she is better than me. If I say a woman is attractive, it means that I think she is more attractive than I am. If you agree with me, and say she is attractive, that means, to me, you also find her more attractive than I am.

I know it is somewhat of a double standard, because I often talk about what guys I like or how I think they should dress or style themselves, but I don’t believe in double standards as a direct mirroring, or “don’t dish it of you can’t take it.” when it comes to the people close to you. I believe in give and take, some people can take certain things and others can’t, and that is the basis you should be working on. Like just because I dish something out to you doesn’t mean I can take the direct same type of dishing out in return, and same goes for you – there’s heaps of stuff I can handle that others can’t, and stuff I can’t handle that others can. If a boy felt like shit about me saying what clothes I liked or didn’t like on him, I wouldn’t do it. When you know someone well enough, you know what they can take, even if it’s different to what you can take. I felt bad for Sue Sylvester when Will Schuester mocked her hair even though she mocks his – it was clearly something off limits from her. If we’re going to use a really big example, you probably shouldn’t make a “your mom” joke to me, but it’s fine that you can handle having them made to you.

And that’s how I think it should work with people – not a literal action of “treat others as you would be treated” but knowing them well enough to give them the consideration about things they’re sensitive about with which you would like to be considered.
Carl: We didn't really pick our stage.. I mean, we played the other stage once, but our amp broke, we were left standing there for about twenty minutes.
Peter: No, YOUR amp blew up, so we tried to play the Ha Ha Wall and then you got the hump, and then at Leeds we had a scrap, and that was it, really.

Carl: I went as a punter, first gig I went to, 94, I saw Rage Against The Machine, and I did some poppers and fell over. Pete always said, I was always trying to get him to go along to festivals, but you always said you didn't want to go until we play.
Peter: Yeah, no, that is true, yeah.
Carl: And you did.
Peter: Well, someone had to look after the Empress of Russia as well. Remember, you all went off to Glastonbury that time and came back and..
Crl: Yeah, and four crackheads had moved in, and there's Scottish security folk.. We used to have this squat, called the Empress of Russia, it was a big pub on um, what was it on? Rosebury Avenue, and you could only get in through the hatch, where you rolled the barrels in..
Peter: It'll be a fish restaurant now.
Carl: It's a shame, that. Pete and I had four bedrooms!


Carl: I haven't got a drivers license.
Peter: I'll get you a drivers license.
Carl: I had a Mexican one once, but [..] threw it off the Channel Ferry.

Is anybody concerned that you might not be there on the day? There've been a few missed shows, haven't there?
Peter: Well I never really got the chance to put my side of the story across.
Carl: Let's all get a pint and sit in a circle.
John: I don't feel we actually, ah, we didn't miss any shows.
Peter: You can't miss a show if you don't know you're supposed to be playing.. that's maths!!

Are the kids coming, side of stage, to watch the band play?
Carl: I haven't got any kids!
Well, I'm not talking to you, am I?
Peter: I take my son to gigs, and he sticks his fingers in his ears and calls the drummer Daddy!

Carl: Dead excited. It's something I've been dreaming about. For six years. Just to get on the stage and say "we're The Libertines." And it be real, and to mean it, with two crooked fingers, and thats the biggest euphoria..
Peter: Do your grasshopper impression!
Carl: I won't, because it'd disgust the nice crew, it makes me look really ugly!
Peter: Do your grasshopper mating!
Carl: Why don't you do it? *Pete does it* Did you get that, ladies and gentlemen of the press?
Peter: No, you do it, no on.
Carl: I will not! Maybe I'll do it at Reading, if we get encored.

I just wondered what your memories were of the last Reading Festival?
Carl: I remember meeting YOU [journo] in here..
Peter: Yeah, memories of YOU, and your newspaper calling me a crackhead for six years and YOU asking me for a pipe in the bogs in some East End boozer..
Car: *silences Peter with his eyes* Well.
Was hoping it'd be a happier affair!
Carl: Yeah, sorry about that! Anyway.
Presumably this will be a happy affair
Carl: I think this will be a happy affair, yeah.
Peter: Well not if it's got anything to do with YOU it won't! Come on! Be honest..
John: Come on, leave him alone Peter.
Peter: Leave him alone? He ruins lives that bloke. *into the mic* He ruins lives, that man there.

---------------

WAHHHHHHHHHH GUYS NEVER EVER STOP BICKERING ABOUT 10 YEAR OLD FIGHTS, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T ACTUALLY BREAK UP AGAIN.
Not tryig to be like a news source here but OH MY GOD WATCH THE NEW GLEE PROMOS.

HOLY. SHIT.



Includes: Like A Prayer (holy SHIT Lea)




Includes: Hello Goodbye (which is the song I am most looking forward to in the back 9) and Kurt making me crack up and breaking my heart with one single line and facial expression. The lol is because the "no, this is her son" phone thing is a thing that happens to Chris and Karen Colfer all the time, and I love that they played it in, but oh my god.


"He was saying, 'Well, look, what if it's all gonna happen again?' and I said, 'One thing: maybe it will, maybe it won't, but one thing that's going to help me not fuck up again is you, and doing all that together.' Because he means a lot..."



eta: the article I posted yesterday - the meet-up was on the 20th, Saturday night. When Carlos called in sick for his play and it didn't run. That means he's prioritizing the band. SHAKING AND CRYING.


TEMPERAMENTAL pals Pete Doherty and Carl Barat sealed a deal to bring back The Libertines with a cuddle.

My spies spotted them in a hug with ex Boys In The Band, bassist John Hassall, 29, and drummer Gary Powell, 40, at London’s Dove bar.

I told you last year that Pete, 30, and Carl, 31, had already signed a management deal for a full reunion.

Seems like the lads, who unofficially split in 2004, can stand one another now.

lol the daily star


TELL THEM HOW IIII AM DEFFFFYING GRAVITY.

ANNND NOTTTTHING'S GONNA BRINNNG MEEE DOOOOOOWNNNN.
New Blackberry. The Bold 9700. It is like a magic unicorn rainbow phone.

But as the software in old phone was totally burnt out, I have no contacts.

Please leave numbers/emails/addresses/IM contacts, I will go back and get addresses from my xmas card post, but I don't think I collected actual phone numbers.


Last night I had a dream that I high-fived the Pope. No joke.


Now to go catch up on 3 weeks of Puck/Kurt fic.


I will never get over how true this is.


Yesterday, Megan called me at 6:30am UK time and sung this song down the phone to me.
Everyone should worship the ground this fierce bitch walks on.

"I'm not somebody to cry over something or to feel weak about something. I felt very defiant when I saw these comments. I felt that it wasn't these two men criticizing my skating, it wasn't them criticizing my anything, it was them criticizing me as a person, and that was something that really, frankly, pissed me off. So more than anything I just felt like I had to make a comment and a statement saying that I hope more kids can grow up the same way I did and more kids can feel the freedom that I feel to be themselves and to express themselves and that's the most important thing. That's the message I wanted to come out of all of this because of out of ugly I think the most important thing to do in life is to make something beautiful.

I can't say anything mean. I mean, I'm totally for freedom of speech and voicing your own opinion, so I can't like, have them fired because they voiced their opinion and just the fact they're on television. I mean, I've heard worse in bathrooms and whatnot about me, so it's not a big issue for me that they said it, it's just that I didn't want other kids to have that same issue and other people in the public eye to have the same issue. If I had the chance to sit down with them over a poutine, I think we'd all be like, lovely people together, I think they would see who I really am, because being an athlete and being a figure skater, I rarely have the oppurtunity to voice my opinion without it being misquoted.

I am always thought of as the sparkly flamboyant character that wore a crown of roses, I mean that's what people see of me and they come up with a notion of what I must be like. And aside from my very close circle of friends and people, nobody knows me. Nobody knows what makes me tick, nobody knows what's inside here and here. [[mind and heart]]

I think masculinity is what you believe it to be. To me, masculinity, it's all my perception. I think masculinity and femininity is something that's very old fashioned. There's a whole new generation of people that aren't defined by their sex or their race or by who they like to sleep with. I think as a person you know what your values are and what you believe in and I I think that's the most important thing."


eta eta eta: ugh, this here is an even better/longer video of the whole thing. Totally crying:



"I support anybody in this world, especially those who have their own voice, their own opinion, their own feelings, and I challenge anyone to question us."



TEARS. STREAMING DOWN MY FACE.

"WE'RE GLITTERATI. I FEEL LIKE LADY GAGA."

"THOSE SWEATERS MAKE HER LOOK HOMESCHOOLED."

LEA AND GROFF ON THE STAGE IN THE DARK

HELLO/GOODBYE OMG OMG (this is one of my fave Beatles songs and indeed one of the first ones I knew)

TEAM FINN

OH MAN CHRIS HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH TALLER COMPARED TO THE CAST, HE LOOKS SO FIERCE AND MMMM SLEEVES COVERING HIS HANDS WHY AM I SUCH A FREAK ABOUT SLEEVES

VOCAL ADRENALINE ALSO LOOK SO FIERCE

SUE

I AM GOING TO DIE
Take your time coming home.
Hear the wheels as they roll.
Let your lungs fill up with smoke.
Forgive everyone.

She is here and now she is gone.
We had plans, we can't help but make love.
It's a beautiful thing when you love somebody, and I love somebody, yeah, I love somebody.

Take your time coming home.
Hear the wheels as they roll.
Let your lungs fill up with smoke.
Forgive everyone.
Well I don't think I've been misled - it was a rock 'n' roll band, I'm still standing. Take your time coming home.

See, of everyone who called, very few said, "We believe in you." The overwhelming choice said I'm just a boy inside a voice. And if it's true, if it's true, if it's true, then what the fuckk have I been doing the last six years? How did I end up here? How did I find love and conquer all my fears?

See, I made it out, out from under the sun. And the truth is that I feel better because I've forgiven everyone. Now I'm not scared of a song, or the states, or the stages. I'm not scared, I got friends, took my call, came courageous. Now I feel like I am home.

One more thing, I keep having this dream where I'm standing on a mountain, looking down on the street and I can hear kids in low-income houses singing: "We're through with causing a scene" - I don't know what it means, but I too, I'm through with causing a scene.

She is here and now I think she's ready to go.
For every love that's lost I heard a new one comes.
So come on with me, sing along with me, let the wind catch your feet.
If you love somebody you'd better let them know..

To take their time coming home.
Hear the wheels as they roll.
Let your lungs fill up with smoke.
Forgive everyone.
I don't think I'd been misled - it was a rock 'n' roll band, I'm here standing. Take your time coming home.

Take your time coming home.
Take your time coming home.
Take your time coming home.

Take your time coming home.
Take your time coming home.
Take your time coming home.
Shoes I like:









Shoes I don't like:



THE JOHNNY WEIR CAPELET:





I did not buy any of these. Instead, I bought pretty much an exact replica of this hat:


Mine is slightly less manly.
Gaga + Glambert + Ice Skates =

JOHNNY WEIR












You MUST watch this. MUST.




FABULOUS. I mean haven't you ever said to yourself Gaga would be better on ice? I KNOW I HAVE.



Friends, this picture is PROOF that magic actually exists.


Now I've just got this mental image of Patrick singing "do you believe in maaaagic in a young girl's heart... how the music can free her, whenever it starts.." oh my god.

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cookiedough

November 2011

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